Already Gone
by XxAyaChanXx
Summary: It was just a mission. A mission that was out of all their specialty. Now he's gone, and the demons won't leave her. Good thing Jiraiya's good at fixing that.
1. Chapter 1

The twelfth day after Tsunade and Dan embarked on their mission seemed different than the rest. The group seemed out of synch, constantly leaving weak spots that simple chuunin would recognize. Tsunade was dumbfounded that Sarutobi would send them out with such rookies; She knew it wouldn't be long before they were ambushed. Her suspicions were confirmed when one of the shinobi traveling with them was cut down in the blink of an eye. The Iwa nin came so quickly that the sensory type that was with them had not noticed, which in itself was peculiar. The fact that so many were able to sneak up on them was definitely not right. Before she could even sort her thoughts, kunai and shuriken flew past her face, many with paper bombs attached to them. Tsunade dodged them with agility she was unaware she had and rushed back into the action. They were extremely outnumbered, at least 6:1, and had mostly long distance specialists.

Right. My luck. She thought as she fought to get close in order to land a hit.

There was no running here, not with this many enemies. She engaged one after another, being forced to use tactics she wasn't used to in order to keep her team's backs covered. Upon busying herself with one ninja, another appeared in her blind spot. The large stone appearing from the earth as if to swallow her up.

"Tsunade!" Dan yelled before crashing into her with enough speed to knock her out of the way. They tumbled to the ground, landing beneath the brush.

"Are you ok?" He asked her. Tsunade's eyes widened. He was bloody, and she could tell by inspection alone that he already had many broken ribs.

"Dan, don't move...let me heal you first." She reached her arms to him, focusing her chakra into her hands, only to have them swatted away. 

"There's no time for that now. Our comrades are dying! Cover for me, I'm going to use the Ghost Transformation."

He sat up carefully, already weaving signs before she could get two words out. Before she knew it, his body went limp and shortly after an Iwa nin to their right fell to the ground in a heap. She couldn't watch for too long, however, before three ninja appeared behind her. Tsunade was done. She'd had it with these intruders, and she wasn't about to let them take any more of her people.

Without hesitation, she charged into battle, moving so quickly she landed a direct hit on one of them before he could even react, shattering his bones and killing him instantly. Wiping his blood off of her hand, she whipped out a kunai and twirling it in her finger, stared the other two down.

"Who's next?" she tauntingly called out.

The two ninja swallowed nervously. This woman wasn't one of the Densetsu no Sannin for nothing. As she charged again, one of the shinobi jumped backward; creating distance between him and Tsunade. He began weaving signs as the other kept her busy in hand-to-hand. Her rage made her sloppy and she wasn't as aware of the activity going on around her.

As his earth style came barreling at her, Tsunade jumped out of the way and went for the user; forgetting that as she did so, she left Dan vulnerable. Realizing this at about the same time, the second ninja lunged at Dan's body. The next few moments felt like an eternity. It was as if everything moved in slow motion. She was so focused at what was happening on the ground that she forgot all that was happening right next to her. The airborne ninja proceeded to strike her in the head, sending her plummeting back toward the earth. Realizing that this was his only chance to escape with his life, the first ninja fled, calling most of the platoon to retreat. They disappeared; all except for the one going for Dan. Nothing mattered now. She didn't care she was bleeding, and she didn't care that the enemy got away with their information. All that mattered right now was getting to Dan before it was too late.

Forcing herself to stand despite the ringing in her ears and her quickly blurring vision, Tsunade ran towards him, stumbling and fighting for her own consciousness. Taking one last lunge, she plunged her kunai into the back of the Iwagakure ninja just after she witnessed his jutsu impale Dan's stomach and his spirit return to his sputtering body. They locked eyes for just a moment before the enemy fell at her feet and Dan sunk to the ground.

No.

Everything was a blur after that. The next thing she knew was she was next to him, pouring every ounce of chakra she could muster into his dying body. The rain wasn't helping her cause; heck, when did it even start raining? It didn't matter.

He was bleeding out and she knew it.

He was going to die here and she knew it.

"You're going to be alright, Dan! Just hold on!" She kept pouring her chakra into him, tears filling her eyes to the brim. The bleeding wouldn't stop, and Dan's eyes slowly shut.

"DAN!" She gave a final push, the green glow of her chakra still illuminating the coming nightfall. Becoming hysterical, she kept shouting for the bleeding to stop, tears dripping onto the wound along with the rain.

"That's enough! He's dead!" One of the ninja with her shouted, afraid of being discovered with her loud cries.

She froze, staring at her blood covered hands and at the lifeless body of her lover in front of her. Finally letting go, she sobbed into her hands and took one last look at his face before her world went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

The air in the village was bleak; stagnant with the smell of rain. Lightning streaked through the sky with a ferocious intensity, illuminating the earth beneath it. Everything seemed to be frozen in time, as if the earth was holding its breath. Everyone could feel it.

On the windowsill sat a young Shizune, eyes lighting up with each stroke of lightning. She loved watching storms. They reminded her of how the most spectacular things could come from nothing; she really admired the idea.

On the days her uncle Dan was on missions, Shizune would play with his Shogi set or go to the park to play with the other children; but today she preferred to sit alone. The rain calmed her mind; its like she was melting. Her world blurred into the pitter patter.

In the midst of watching the rain fall, a rather unnatural commotion commanded her attention. Villagers ran into the street and crowded around a small parade of shinobi. It wasn't uncommon; recently more and more of these things were happening, despite the war's decline. Shizune understood what it was.

_Somebody's dead… _she thought to herself quietly.

She craned her neck to see who it was, but the effort was wasted. All shinobi looked the same to her. She returned to her sitting position, only to be roused back up again at the sight of a tuft of white hair that was unmistakably recognizable.

_This can't be right…_ she thought, _Jiraiya-sama isn't supposed to return for a few weeks yet…_

As she watched Jiraiya push through the crowds, she noticed something else. Through the rain, she noticed that he was carrying someone in his arms. Someone clutching to him as if their very life depended on it. Someone with long blond hair pulled into ponytails that were all too familiar. Shizune's stomach dropped and all the blood fled from her face at the realization.

'W-Why is Jiraiya carrying Tsunade-sama...? Why are so many people crowding around them? Then this means..."

_This can't be happening.. _

Shizune bolted through the door, unfazed by the rain, and ran toward the woman.

"**Tsunade-samaaa**!"She screamed in her direction. As Jiraiya turned around she noticed something she could not see through the window.

Tsunade was covered in blood.

She froze as Tsunade's sunken eyes slowly met hers. "Shizune...I'm..." Tsunade muttered. Shivering from the cold rain. The blood that covered her body making bright red streaks in Jiraiya's white hair.

"What's going on?! Where's uncle Dan!" Shizune burst, not even letting her finish; tears flowing freely from Shizune's eyes. Tsunade just stared at her. Trembling at the memory. Jiraiya responded cautiously, "Shizune-chan, we're in no position to talk about this right now. Tsunade—"

"No! What happened?! Where is my uncle!? Tell me right now! " Shizune couldn't keep from screaming at him. His face told her everything, but she refused to hear it.

Then, a voice came from behind the crowd.

"Shizune-chan."

The Third walked up to them, placing a hand on her soaked shoulder. "This isn't where you should be right now. The ANBU will escort you back inside. They will tell you everything. Right now Tsunade-hime needs to recover from her injuries, so please be a good girl, okay?" A sad smile across his face. "Jiraiya-chan, you are to take Tsunade-hime back with you. She is to be relieved from active duty until further notice." Taking a step closer to his students, he added, "I'm sorry I've failed you..." And with that he turned and walked toward the Hokage residence.

As if on queue, an ANBU officer appeared and begun ushering Shizune in the direction of the apartment. She tried to turn back to protest, but did so just in time to see the other two shinobi on the same mission carrying the bloody, lifeless body of Dan Katou through the crowd.

**A/N: Yay! 2 is up! Next chapter will be wayyyy longer, I promise!**


	3. Chapter 3

Jiraiya carefully held Tsunade as they entered the village. Her bloody, tattered hands clutching his vest as she shook lightly; her eyes squeezed shut in a futile attempt to push back the pain. He tried to ignore the stares and the crowds of people surrounding them. So many whispers flying through the air and into his ears, and Jiraiya could only hope that Tsunade couldn't hear them.

_Another one dead. _

_How tragic._

_Even the best in the world couldn't save him._

_I heard he bled out beneath her fingers._

_Well he must have, just look at her!_

Ignoring them, Jiraiya pressed on; anxious to get away from the attention. He knew the rumors were true: another shinobi had fallen. Another had made the ultimate sacrifice for this twisted version of 'peace.'

_How tragic._

The fact that that person happened to be the lover of the woman he'd sworn his life to made him ache. He walked in front of the entourage, trying his best to ignore the body being carried behind him. They were under the instruction to take the body of Katou Dan to Konoha hospital as per procedure. Afterwards he planned to bring her back to his apartment; for he knew she would want to be nowhere near her own tonight. Tsunade was strong, but the death of this man shook her to the very core and he knew it. He looked down at the woman in his arms, tears slowly and silently staining her face; and clutched her tighter to his chest.

_She can't even get a break… _he thought to himself, pushing through crowds of people trying to see for themselves what had happened. He carried her the whole way, making certain she didn't face the hospital when two ninja behind him broke off to deliver the body of her lover. Approaching his apartment, Jiraiya pushed the door open with his foot. He gently placed her on his couch, leaving to grab a washrag, and coming back gingerly wipe the blood from her hands and face. After getting the final traces off of her cheek, he looked her straight in the eyes and simply said,

"Tsunade, This wasn't your fault."

Her quivering eyes stared at him for a long time, her brain scrambling to put the pieces together. Tears quickly flooded her ducts and she threw her arms around his neck, sobbing violently into his chest. Jiraiya knew more words would not do any good at this point. He fought the urge to speak and instead just held her. His heart aching unbearably at the sight of Tsunade in so much pain.

"I couldn't do it Jiraiya… I couldn't save him!" she whimpered into his shoulder.

"Hime…" he rubbed her back softly until her sobs quieted. Taking a deep breath she pulled away from him and smiled faintly.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this…"

"Tsunade, you know I'm here for anything you ever need. Don't worry about it." He stood and grabbed a bottle of her favorite sake and 2 small glasses from the kitchen.

"You know me so well you old toad." she responded.

"And thank you."

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><p>This small moment of happiness was short lived, however, as the nightmares quickly overtook her dreams. Her next few nights in Jiraiya's apartment consisted of her waking up screaming in the middle of the night with tear stains on her cheeks and beads of sweat down her back. Normally, Jiraiya would get up from the couch, bring her some water, and hold her until morning. He eventually gave up on the couch and the two ended up sleeping next to each other just like old times. Those were the nights he liked best. He felt empowered. Like he meant something to her; played a key role in her happiness. On those nights, Jiraiya would let her stay close to him, listening to her soft breathing; taking in her scent with each of his own. Twirling a lazy finger in her golden hair. Purely on the intent of chasing her demons away. It was all so….<p>

_Innocent. _

It was after a night of sake, sneaking in a few more when Jiraiya wasn't looking, when the flashbacks returned. And eventually, the arms around her and he hands in her hair weren't enough. She woke up shaking and Jiraiya's arms were clawed and scarred from where she had dug her nails in during her nightmares. Jiraiya could hardly contain himself. The woman of his dreams was being tormented by the very memory of a man who slipped right through her fingertips, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it anymore.

In a final attempt to replace her torment with anger, Jiraiya pulled her on top of him, her tears dropping onto his face, and pressed his lips to hers. However, instead of her expected reaction, she shuddered into the contact. Furrowing her brow and pressing into his kiss with an unexplained desperation. Taken off guard by her response, Jiraiya sat up with the intent of pushing her off; but as he brought his hands to her waist, she tangled her fingers in his hair and brought her other hand up to his jaw. His need for her touch sent shivers down his spine as the woman he has loved so fervently sat straddled in his lap. An unhealthy mix of sake and passion clouded his mind as he gave into her whim. He delicately glided his hands up her torso, making note to memorize every curve of her slender body, bringing up her mesh undershirt with them. She raised her arms and grabbed the top of the headboard, giving him the okay to continue. He gripped the bottom of her white midriff top and gently pulled it over her head. Breaking their heated kiss for only a moment. Feeling his hunger beginning to overtake him, he scooped his hands under her shoulders, digging his fingernails into her back as he breathed heavily into the base of her neck.

"Tsunade… for so long I…"

"Shhh… you don't have to say anything.." She whispered back with a small laugh.

Her heart was fluttering in her chest. Never before had she felt so alive, so wanted, so needed. Pressing her forehead against his, she slithered her hands into the folds of his white kimono and gingerly pushed it open and off of his shoulders. Her perfectly manicured hands tracing scars as well as bands of muscle that lined his body. Looking up to meet his gaze, she gently brought a hand up to place against his cheek. A lone tear made its way down her face and she bit her lip to keep the rest at bay.

"I love you…" she murmured. Her hands beginning to shake as she brushed the hair out of his face.

She kissed him again, though more ardently than before. Small whimpers escaping parted lips as she emptied herself to Jiraiya, and in return, being filled with his love. She gasped as his lips trailed down her neck; traveling down to her shoulders and leaving trail of fire behind them.

Jiraiya leaned forward, laying the both of them down on the bed. Hands caressing her thighs as he removed the rest of her clothing.

"Hime…" he moaned, taking one last shaky breath before becoming one with her. Filling her with his entire being. With his soul.

She could hardly contain herself; she didn't know what to feel. Her heart about exploded inside of her chest with the amount of love she had for her teammate. Where had it come from? How long had it been here? At this point, she didn't care. She had always known. And she knew no matter what happens from here, it would always be him.

Always.

Dan was gone. She still loved him, yes. She still mourned for him every day, but he was gone. Jiraiya was here and real and _alive. _

So she opened herself to his touch, just this once. She let herself be filled with the love of this man and returning it with all she had left. She felt it pulse through her body with every touch of his hands, every arch of her back coinciding with his movements. In this moment, everything could be perfect again.

* * *

><p>He wanted to give her the world and to be able to love her with everything he was. This love grew even stronger as whispers became gasps and half-lidded eyes sparkled in a way Jiraiya had never seen before from anyone. She was it for him.<p>

Tsunade gripped at his back, digging in her fingernails in an embrace more valuable to him than his own life. Her moans shaking him to his core until at last they were replaced by labored breathing. Dropping his forehead to hers, he stared through her eyes; wanting to memorize every feeling of this moment. He trailed his fingers along her arms as they fell back around her head. She closed her eyes at his touch and confided in the serenity of their closeness. He kissed her softly one last time before moving over and taking her into his arms. She curled up next to him, pressing a damp forehead to his chest as her breathing returned to normal. Happiness and peace filled her for the first time in weeks. She could feel his heart racing against her skin, coinciding with her light tremors through her hands, and matching with her own. The feeling was indescribable.

She took a deep breath. There was something she needed to bring up to him but was unsure how to go about it. She had been planning this for some time now and realized how much easier it would be to have him there. Craning her neck to look at him, and swallowing nervously, she whispered, "Jiraiya, I'm leaving the village."

She felt his muscles tense then release at her words. "You're what?"

"I can't stay here anymore. I have nothing left to offer this place. Tomorrow, I'm taking the girl and we're leaving."

"Sensei will never allow it."

"I've already made preparations with him. The ANBU are taking us to the border at sunrise. This war is all but over anyway…" She paused for a moment before continuing. "But… I want you to come with us Jiraiya." She knew it was a hopeless request. Jiraiya cared for this village more than anyone else she knew. He'd be out of his mind to turn his back on Konoha forever. When he trained those kids in Ame, he had full intention of coming back, but he knew Tsunade never wanted to see this place again.

It was cruel really, forcing him to decide between the home he lived and fought for his whole life and running away with her. He was set on getting her to change her mind. He sat up, propping himself up on his arm causing the sheet to slide from his upper body. Tsunade blushed.

"Hime, you can't leave.. Don't let this take you, we can have a better life here! With all these people who love you. Please..." He began to panic, they were finally together and she was about to slip away again just like that. She rolled over to face the wall, pulling the sheet tighter around her shoulders. "I've made up my mind. Nothing you can say will change that. Either you're coming and we can be together, or you can stay here. Its up to you." She looked down at the wood floor, trying to distract herself. No matter how much she wanted, she knew he couldn't leave.

"Tsunade, you know why that's not possible. I want nothing more than to be with you, you of all people should know that; but going through life running away without a real purpose… we couldn't be happy that way Tsunade... I'd want to settle with you, raise a family, you know…" He rested a hand on her shoulder, feeling her tense immediately.

The thought scared her. In fact, it _terrified _her. Dread filled her body, soaked into her very bones. _Oh my God, what have I _done_? I've betrayed him... I've betrayed everyone! _

She scrambled out of bed, haphazardly threw on her clothes and made way for the door. She needed air and needed it now. Returning her hair to its ponytails as she walked, Tsunade hastily pushed the door open with her hip; but paused just before crossing the threshold. Jiraiya had caught her free hand with his fingers. She turned slowly, tears in her eyes, unsure about facing her teammate.

"Hime…please." She met his gaze but looked away immediately. The look on his face was too much to bear. He squeezed her hand in one final attempt to bring her back inside. She reached up and kissed him softly and in the next instant, she was gone. Leaving Jiraiya alone in the doorway.

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you guys think?! Should i keep going? What would you like to see more of? Let me know in the reviews! :)**


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